Sonya Visor

Sex and the Church Girl

by | Apr 12, 2019 | Deal With It, Sexuality, Uncategorized

Sex and the Church Girl

How do you stop something that feels so good to your body, but is bad for your soul? It’s what my character Rainey struggled within the short story, Love Me for Who I Am. In this story, Malik added to her burning desire.

It’s the ongoing battle of the struggling Christian woman–fornication. You have tried to endure and wait for the man of your prayers, but nothing has happened yet. Even though you are all-together-tired, you remain faithful and strive to keep your promise before God, “Lord, I’ll wait.”

After many tears, watching other couples, words of encouragement and prayers, you meet someone. You begin to spend ample time with him, share your dreams, goals and then bam, it happens! An “innocent” touch awakens your sexual appetite and the door’s cracked. If the truth is all-the-way told, it didn’t take much to open the door. All of the suppressed “trying- to-be-good” unction’s surface and your feelings bounce all over the place to get the attention of the opposite sex. You were fine until the holding hands and snuggling began. A huge no-no, you’ were too close, but that’s a different blog! Lol.

Soon you are daydreaming, hearing wedding bells and all because of some unchecked “feelings” which caused your guard to come down. Not long after, you wonder or maybe even ask God if he is the one? Your feelings tell you, “Yes!”  However, all along the way of getting to know this person there are horns blaring, whistles blowing, and angels yelling, “Run!. But, the urges, the chemistry (lust) become stronger, as the body aches and craves for him. You’ve convinced yourself that he’s the one and now no one else can tell you otherwise.

Your witness, the Holy Spirit, is out for the count because the flesh is in control. The Lord will not go against your will. So, you go there, you surrender and allow your flesh to speak for you. You give in first to yourself, then to him…

The entire time, there’s a no, in your head, but your body reaches for the yes, by allowing him to undress you. In the back of our minds we think, “well, he did this” and then “he did that” to release yourself from some of the blame. But, ultimately, it was you who allowed yourself to get caught in the moment. You shut everything down, but the hormones raging to receive this love you yearn, needed and deserved. Now, it’s over…

Was it even worth it? Did it live up to the hype?

Let’s be real for a minute and answer a few tough questions.

  • How do you feel inwardly when it’s over?
  • Is there any guilt, shame, or the least favorite—are you still lonely when the act is over?
  • Does your partner disengage afterward?
  • Do you feel used?
  • Are you having mixed feelings; you feel bad, but… Or maybe, you don’t experience any negative feelings at all. If this is the case then you need to check your heart with God.

If you experience one or more of the above mentioned, then you need to ask yourself why you continue to allow abuse to your body and mind. This is a powerful question because there’s a root.

The reason is simply—self. There’s an inner love issue of conflict going on. We often tend to only think about our needs, desires, and happiness. But, if the truth be told we rob ourselves when we settle on the Ishmael–counterfeit when we could have had Isaac—the promise.

I know it’s hard for a sexually alive, vibrant person to hold on and hold out until they receive the answer to their prayers. After falling into this trap myself, I’d rather had waited and kept myself, a Queen, for my King. Now, don’t get me wrong, you are still a Queen after the fall. But you must ask yourself, how many times am I willing to take off my crown?

Pick up your crown and wear it properly, in Christ, because you will walk differently with the crown on. The way to keep your crown on is by guarding your heart with the Word and having a prayer life. Talk to God. Seriously, if you don’t know your worth, most won’t tell you. If anything they will lower your worth by the actions produced in the natural. It will take a moment to build oneself back up, but it’s doable. God’s the One who knows the true gem that you are. He’s just trying to get you to see it from His perspective. If you can trust God with your heart and body, you will run into the one who’s ordained for you.

Believe me, a King recognizes and wants a Queen by his side. A woman who knows her worth is a powerful asset to a true man of God. Your mistakes don’t determine your outcome unless you allow it. Put your crown on, Girl!

You are a treasure—because you are worth the wait!

King James Bible – But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.

2 Corinthians 13:5 – Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you–unless, of course, you fail the test?

Sonya Visor

Sonya Visor

Author/TruU Founder

Sonya’s passion is to help women unmask to become their authentic self in God.



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