Sonya Visor

Am I helping or enabling?

by | Mar 2, 2016 | TruU

How do you stop helping people? Am I helping or enabling?

How do I stop lending a ‘helping hand’ to those I see in need? It is the tough question every enabler ought to ask themselves before it’s too late. Too late for who? I believe it is crucial for both the giver and the receiver. ​It is imperative, during a season of change, to determine the kind of help you are giving. Is it God inspired or is it an emotional tug on your heart?

It’s hard for me to see people get swept up in a storm they could have avoided. So, I get out in front of them waving yellow flags, verbal warnings, and dropping hints. Well, boy I certainly encourage on overdrive, wearing myself out. But, guess what? Some people still don’t hear me and others get mad or both. Enough, Sonya!

​The very thing I call help could be interfering with what God wants to do in their lives. You can best believe God has already tried to get their attention. Bottom line; people want to do what they want to do until they cannot do it any longer.

To see if you should take ‘help’ notice, ponder these few points:

  • Were you asked to help or did you leap and jump in?
  • Okay, so they asked you but did you know when to STOP or did you overdo it?
  • ​Did you pray for God’s guidance of what to do?
  • ​Do you step in and give unsolicited advice all the time?
  • ​Did you go about fixing the person’s problem while the receiver sat back and watched you handle it? I mean you ‘got it’ right… this is called enabling.

When you help are you done or do you nurse their situation? You know, because you want updates and progress reports. So you constantly ask questions, trying to help. You miss the side-eyes because the people are ready for you to step off the rescue mode.

If you find you can relate to one or two of these points, ask yourself what are you doing?

I have had to ask myself this harsh truth because to extend a hand to somebody who does not want it goes against God. He gives us all free will. The choice is ours, and God will not push against a person’s will, so why should we try to?

No longer beg to wiggle into a space that’s not fitting you. When God sends you to the person, He gives you rest. To be burdened down with an issue that’s not yours is a heavy load. We are not designed to carry our burdens, let alone somebody else’s. At this point, it’s more damaging, and you have to back off for your sake. ​​The prayer is that they see it for themselves before the storm comes or their time runs out.

​Maybe the storm is exactly what’s needed to give the people a new perspective and opportunity to change. A chance they probably wouldn’t have had without going through the rocky roads the winds of change ushered into their lives. The journey of life will teach anyone willing to learn.

​The season has changed, and it’s time to stay out of it, leave people to mind and tend to their own business. After all, it’s their life to live. Especially if God did not tell you to ‘help,’ I have found the most powerful aid I can offer is to pray for people behind the scene. Then allow God to do the rest.

May God’s will be made known and received before all the flowers turn to weeds. #SeasonShift #InspiredBy #ShenaPropheticWord


Sonya Visor

Sonya Visor

Author/TruU Founder

Sonya’s passion is to help women unmask to become their authentic self in God.



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