On June 1st something happened to me…
After all the titles: author, co-pastor, first lady, mother, daughter etc. those are still not my name, just apart of me. Think about that for a minute. My name is Sonya, just like Tonya but with an S. For years I have allowed people to pronounce my name incorrectly. It didn’t really matter because I knew my name; I knew that people were speaking to me. But every now and then it would irritate me…just a little. To be honest, I wasn’t frustrated with who was saying my name but at myself for not correcting the matter. You know how you just get tired of instructing folks saying, “Its Sonya (sign-ya), not…” so you simply let it go because it’s not the end of the world. Let’s go deeper than the pronunciation of my names, yeah I know, I got off track a little bit. How many things in your life have you let go because you were just tired of fixing or correcting it? Or you go to the extreme, like me, and try to be little Ms. Fix-it carrying burdens that wear you out?
As I was saying, June 1st was like a new day for me. I have had several things that I have been trying to fix, solve problems or make somebody better. I was helping people to do this and that…and I was just worn out. Now get this: after all of the “help” I was doing…there was no change. My heart was heavy, my soul was tired and body was barely doing the basic day-to-day action. ENOUGH! I finally, said “I’m done!” You know how Jesus said, “It is finished”? Well, girlfriend, it is finished! I know my name and my name is not Jesus. I can’t do it anymore. I’ve been in the wilderness way too long. On June 1st I made a decision to rest; to let go of all the weights. It was time to release burdens that were holding me captive. Time to truly let MY God- be God… in my life. I mean God is my life, but I was still trying to do His part. You know what I’m talking about…
What does this really mean? Every time these problems, people or weights come back up causing me the slightest anxiety, out loud I will say: Let not MY heart be troubled, Neither let it be afraid. That releases it from me and gives it to God, because it’s His word to honor: John 14:27.
I release me…
I release family…
I release friends
I release so and so ‘em…
I release insecurities…
I release the church…
I release our business…
I release the haters…
I release my job….
I release my heart…
Do you get it, where to release the troubles? We release it ALL unto the one who is able to do something with it. Why don’t you join me? You will feel the power of God’s peace and have solutions finally manifest in your life by simply saying from your heart: Let not MY heart be troubled…neither let it be afraid.
I mean seriously…I hid for so long that only GOD could find me. In this newsletter I talk about how I got to the point of suicide.