In my late teens suicide came to visit me periodically and I was unaware of how my mood shifted at the presence of this dark spirit. I didn’t realize the power of how thinking on death brings it to you. Which is why some years later I found myself on my living room floor at a point of no return. Until God sent an angel, my son, to speak life to me.

I didn’t know that I was embracing the arms of death instead of telling myself there’s another way. No, instead I allowed dark thoughts to be deposited within my spirit, deep into my soul as I meditated on death and not the life I was given. Those thoughts would whisper back to me lies that were straight from the pit of hell with one theme only…just give up and die.

Coming from a home where there was love, I didn’t know what to do or how to deal with these dark places that I experienced. I just knew that it wasn’t right to ponder on such things. I felt as though there was no one I could talk to because surely no one else is thinking like this. To be honest, I couldn’t explain the place that I was in. All I can say is that it was God’s grace from somebody’s prayers that saved me from myself.

Silence is not the answer. If you have a family member, friend, co-worker or even a stranger you’ve encountered and you thought for a moment that they could possibly be having thoughts of suicide…PLEASE SAY A WORD OF HOPE TO THEM. Pray for them, smile and a simple, “This too shall pass” can hold a power that can destroy the pull of death. My plea to you is: Don’t just walk away and do nothing. Your very action could be the beginning of a new life for someone to embrace.

If it’s you who have thought about escaping your life because of the feelings of depression, YOUR BEST IS YET TO COME. See a glimpse of hope, change your mind and think on the good things, not the bad that you are experiencing. Face your trouble, look at it and don’t run from it. Your issue(s) are not lasting. Do what I did…I knelt before a holy God who put all the pieces back together and my life now has no emptiness. God has filled those places. You can do it, You will make it…YOU WILL LIVE.

If you’ve been following me for a little while you see my signature on emails and newletters, Be TruU always! This is a place that I want to remain in because I had to fight to get here. I had to push past death and choose life. I had to learn to live with me, the Tru me. I had to become comfortable with Sonya, with the person I was created to be. It was a process because the person I had become was a total lie.

What do I mean when I say that I was living a lie?

I was walking around saying I was okay and I really wasn’t. I told family and friends that everything was great and I was going through emotional turmoil. I said, “I’m alright” and “It’s all good” so much that I believed it. Do you see where I am going with this? The truth of the matter is simply this: I pushed everything down on the inside denying myself the priviledge of being me. Learning this behavior at an early age is what made this a stronghold in my life. It was a process to become free.

In this place that I call TruU I can feel, respond and move on. If an action is required to deal with the issue, circumstance or person-I take care of it. No longer do I surpress feelings pretending that all is well or the better conclusion would be: I stopped lying to myself and others.

Today I share. I call things what they are, which can be uncut or raw sometimes. I have found that some really don’t know how to deal with this. Which, of course, has gotten me into trouble because I’ve gone from 0-10. Zero = Saying absolutely nothing to Ten = Totally free. But with that freedom there comes responsibility to have the right timing. That’s a whole other issue that I repent daily for…sort of like, “Maybe, I shouldn’t of said that.” But God is helping me with that as I continue this path of being true to who I am in Christ. I’m not a holy roller who doesn’t know who’s in charge. God is. I’m a work in progress, far from perfection but closer then I’ve ever been to being the true Sonya.